Big Mama's Day in Court

I am a good girl. As an adult I have been a law abiding, mind my own business, contribute to society kind of girl. I do not deserve the torture I have endured at the hands of the Lehi City Court.

Let the record show that on or about the date of September 10th, I was pulled over by a Lehi City Police officer. Apparently, my registration had expired. I was unaware. He also informed me that regardless of the insurance card I handed him, his computer showed I had no insurance. He also told me that not only had my registration expired, it had been REVOKED. He could arrest me, and impound my vehicle, but chose not to. I didn't say thank you. I don't kiss the back end of authority. I took my ticket and drove away. I had to pay this ticket after 5 days but before two weeks.

Let the record show that on the date of September 12th, a short two days later, I admitted my husband through the ER, to have his leg amputated. I work full time and I have two small children. I forgot to pay the said ticket. I simply forgot.

I did however, remember to register my car. After sitting at the DMV for approximately 18 hours, Jack and I were called to the desk. This woman informed me that my registration had been revoked. I asked why. She told me it was because there was a lapse in my insurance in January. I told her this was not so. She pointed me to a phone on the wall and wrote down the name of a form I needed and a fax number. I called my agent who faxed the appropriate form to her. After another 26 hours, we were again called to the counter. It was a mistake, and she cleared the revoking.

Let the record show (I am putting to use my newly learned court lingo) that I received a letter from the Lehi City Courthouse 2 weeks ago. When I opened it, I remembered the forgotten ticket. I immediately called the number to set up payment. I was then informed that there was a warrant out for my arrest and that I would need to come into the courthouse and face the Honorable Judge Sampson on December 15. I peed my pants a little bit. I begged that lady to just let me pay the fine. She could not be bought. Before hanging up I asked "Well.....okay.....what do I wear to something like this??"

I called the insurance agent to get the information I needed to prove that I did indeed have insurance at the time of the incident as well as in January. He said he would have it ready. Greg went to pick it up that morning as I got ready. I wore a skirt, a sweater, small pearl earrings and lipstick. I made my BFF Eric come and take me as no children are allowed in court and Greg would stay home with Jack. To say I was nervous was an understatement. I was very near puking the entire way to the courthouse. Eric's inappropriate jokes did nothing to sooth my nerves.

We arrived, signed in, and waited in a lobby filled with very strange people. Most were wearing flannel shirts over faded Metallica t-shirts. These were the women. Only one was wearing lipstick- it was a man, and it was black. I was far from the only person who decided to wear rings in their body. After a few minutes we filed into the courtroom. Eric wanted to ask the Bailiff if we could sit in the jury box, but after my whispered threats he did not. I was called to the front and given a copy of my offenses and told to be ready to declare my guilt or lack thereof. Declare my guilt or lack thereof? How did I know what to declare??? I only knew two things at this point. 1. I have no idea what I am doing. 2. I should not have worn nylons, they are squeezing me in a manner that may provoke vomit. I was truly freaking out, and Eric didn't look very good either.

The judge entered and we all had to stand. (I felt like I was on TV.) He read the first name and the man arose and approached the podium with the microphone. Of horror of all horrors...a microphone and a podium. I do not do well with either. I am shaking. The judge talked, the man talked, the prosecutor talked. I took deep breaths. Soon his turn was done and Eric and I chanted "Not me, Not me, oh pleasssse not me" until the next name was called. We did this over and over again after each person was sentenced. There was a woman who plead guilty to domestic abuse, there was a man who plead not guilty to public intoxication but guilty to carrying a firearm while intoxicated. Don't ask me how that works. The Judge looked perplexed about this as well. Or maybe he was captivated by his lipstick. I'm not really sure.

Soon, there were only three of us in the courtroom. They called my name. I stood on wobbly knees and approached the podium. My mouth was dry, I wasn't sure if I could speak. My stomach turned, and I fought not to go into the tunnel of passing out.

Judge Sampson: Good Afternoon.
Me: Good Afternoon Your Honor. (No, my afternoon is pretty much shot after this.)
Judge Sampson: Is that your legal name?
Me: Yes (I think so....I mean, I don't know anything at this point.)
Judge Sampson: I see you have denied counsel and are representing yourself, do you understand the rights you have given up?
Me: Yes (I peed a little bit right here...I do not understand any rights. I don't know anything. Is that sound my own breathing?)
Judge Sampson: Mrs. Garrett, how do you plea to charge one, Driving without Registration?
Me: No Contest???? ( I looked back toward Eric for a sign of acceptance. I couldn't see him through the tears of terror in my eyes.)
Judge Sampson: How do you plea to count two, Driving without insurance?
Me: Not Guilty. ( I said this a little stronger. I am an innocent woman!!!)
Judge Sampson: How do you plea to count three, Driving with revoked registration?
Me: Not Guilty. (Innocent I say!!!!)

At this point the prosecutor asks for permission to approach me and then asks if I have brought proof of this. I told him I did, but to my horror, the letter in my hand has the wrong date on it. He leaves the room to call my agent. I sit down again. My entire body is shaking and I almost burst out in nervous laughter.

I later explained the situation at the DMV to the lovely Judge Sampson. The prosecutor stood and said "Your Honor, there are obvious problems with Mrs. Garrett's insurance. The state is willing to dismiss this charge as well." Almost everything was dismissed. As were my 20 days in jail. ( I was a little sad about the 20 days. Almost three weeks of sleeping, reading, and having my meals brought to me? That's not too bad. That's almost a REWARD.) Long story short, in the end I was only charged with the expired registration and fined the original amount of $100. My warrant was revoked, and my license was cleared.

Eric had to smoke three cigarettes in the parking lot before he calmed down. I sat in the car taking deep breathes and chanting to myself "It's okay now, it's okay now."

Thank you Judge Sampson for a splendid day in court.