And your answer is???

"Making the right choices"

I struggle with this. I also search (rather aimlessly lately, I might add) for the ability to do this. Because, honestly, I don't get it at all. Life is so complicated and I often wonder if everyone is as perplexed as I am, or is it just me?

There are misconceptions in life. The biggest one being that when you grow up, there is more freedom, it's funner, and you get to stay up late. The realization that this is not actually the case,(at the ripe age of 30 I might add....30 has bitten me right in the ass.) is like missing a step in a dark garage and breaking your foot. Only to be forced to ride a scooter that you'll need therapy to get over. And trust me, I know how that all is!!!

I have decided that being a grown up is not for me. I don't like it and I don't want to do it anymore. The main reason is all the dumb answers you are expected to come up with. Perhaps I slept through "Making decisions 101" in the pre-existence. I don't know. I was either sleeping or eating a cupcake. Who really knows? All I DO know is I have not the foggiest idea how to do this correctly.

These are the most confusing points for me:

1. (And it's a doosy) There are no "right" answers!!!! I don't know what I was expecting. One choice obviously highlighted in my mind? A shiver of rightness up my spine? A voice in my head proclaiming "Aha! Pick that one Jenalee!" Trust me, if I KNEW what the right choices were, I would choose those!!!

2. The consequences of all the choices offered are not listed! At least on my copy they aren't. I feel as though I have no information about my options. I would be MUCH happier if it was outlined something like this:

I sit at an intersection.....

I. Turn to the right.
A. A donut shop is right around the corner! You can stop there!
1. It will be Free Donut Day and you will be the winner of "donuts for life!"
2. I will be offered a job as "donut taster" it will gross $100,000/year.
II. Turn to the left.
A. Oh no! There is a big pot hole that you don't see! Watch out!
1. Flat tire in the middle of the road
2. Sadness, humiliation, $100 for repair.

If life offered me some information, I could make the right choices! And I would invite you all over for donuts and milk...everyday.

3. You still must suffer the consequences of those decisions. Even if you didn't know it was a consequence. Even if the consequence doesn't match the decision. Even if you really, really, really don't want to.

4. My decisions do not just influence my life. Oh no. Big Mama is the captain of the boat and my passengers are the ones I love the most. They are my responsibility. They are under my care. They are below deck on MY ship. But, as long as there's no pressure.....

5. Sometimes you are offered choices, and then when you are ready to choose them, they disappear. Lately, I have bucked up and made a grand plan. It was a plan to end all plans. Everything worked together in our favor. It was going to be alright after all. I could sleep at night. Was that the sun coming up on my life again? It really will be alright.

I wake up today and guess what? The choices I had planned to make? The ones that allowed the grand plan to work? Yeah, some of those have been taken off the table while I was resting my eyes. Lovely.

I'll tell you what I really want. I want to go to sleep and wake up wearing my Rainbow Bright nightgown. I want to stumble out of my room holding Goldie-bear-and-the-three-locks (wearing the doll size version of the Rainbow Bright nightgown.) I want to walk into the kitchen and see my mom (younger, with polyester pants, and glasses) and I want my brother to pop out from behind the Cheerios box and say "Heeeerrrreee's Jesse!!!!"

I want to go back to my childhood and rest my weary head of all the adult crap. Just for awhile.

Is that an option?