I decided to go against the current of popular blog posts. I know, you're shocked.
Here is a list of things I hate.
1. That Charmin toilet paper commercial. I hate that. WHO got paid to come up with THAT? I think they are tacky, and I personally, have boycotted those nasty bears.
2. Speaking of commercials, I hate the Huggies one that features a poop blow out contest between the three babies. Do you know which one I am talking about? Gross.
3. I hate a lot of foods. I know this is surprising, considering... but it's true. I do not care for cantaloupe, cucumbers, anything with cooked apples (including applesauce AND pie), etc....I could go on and on.
4. I hate those Lord of the Rings movies. I spend my life trying to obey the commandments so that I may avoid hell. Those movies are like taking a field trip there....for entertainment.
5. Waking up 4 minutes before the alarm clock goes off. And hand in hand with that is springing forward daylight saving time. I love falling back though.
6. I hate bras.
7. I will not drink "creamy" drinks. Anything with ice cream in it, like a root beer float, or *shudder* that Garrett Christmas Punch. Ugh. It's like drinking snot.
8. When you take cold/allergy medicine and then you can't sleep deeply. You are in that strange half asleep, half not with crazy dreams. It's so frustrating. And you will fall asleep eventually, 4 minutes before the alarm clock goes off.
9. A pukey dog....or kid. Or anything pukey. Puke in general. It's probably better I never became a nurse.
10. Drivers who do the unexpected. That's what causes accidents, dontcha know. If a light is green, don't come to a complete stop to let someone in a parking lot turn out. It's unexpected and you will get rear ended. Just follow the rules, honestly, how hard is it?
11. Fruit flies. Hell is full of fruit flies. I'm sure of it.
12. Cleaning toilets. Especially with men in the house. Again, how hard is it to pee into the toilet and not all over the walls and floor? Control those things!
13. The Simpson's. My hatred has no words.
14. Pulling the gate to irrigate the backyard. It explodes. Every. Single. Time. It's like a geyser, with me in the middle of it. The only time it was fun was when I pretended to be inept and talked Cameron into pulling the gate for me. THAT was awesome.
15. The lady from the 1-800 number who calls me at work every day and asks for the person in charge of cleaning supplies. Lady, it's just me. I've explained it numerous times.
16. Greg's power chair "Jazzy." I hate her. She won't go into the van, causing huge bruises on my legs, she tears up my walls, and she destroys everything. And she's out to get me, I know it. She's like Stephen King's Christine for the disabled.
17. Bad grammar. That doesn't make me sound nearly as stuck up as bad grammar makes you sound dumb.
18. Dandelions. I waged war on them for a few summers in our old-old house in Lehi. I didn't win.
19. Anything sour. Candy, juice, berries....if there's a chance it may be sour, I won't eat it.
20. Whomever invented the leprechaun trap.
21. That weird black thing at the bottom of the banana. I hate eating that on accident.
22. When the hot water runs out mid bath. What are you supposed to do? Get out? I haven't even enjoyed it yet, but if there's not enough water in the tub then you are nothing but....islands. And it makes you feel even fatter. On the other hand, if you put more water in that's not optimally heated, then you sit in tepid water. And that feels wrong.
23. Any kind of scope. Of any kind. Even the mouthwash.
24. Going to the dentist. I hate it. I would rather be scoped than go to the dentist. And that's saying a lot.
25. Arrogant flies. They see you coming with the swatter. And they KNOW.
26. Dessert made out of fruit. Come on.
27. Jalapenos. They are nasty. And they are juicy, so even if you pick them off your nachos, you can still taste their juicies.
28. Commercials on the radio that have honking in them. It scares the crap out of me. I nearly stop to see who's honking at me. Stopping to see who is honking (when it's the radio) is unexpected. See #10.
29. A large number of something all together. It's kind of a phobia. Like a huge ant pile. Or when butterflies cover an entire tree.
30. 22 year old who call me "sweetie."
31. Ear wax. Heaven help me.
See how therapeutic that was? I know I feel better. Who has a hankering for some nachos now? Just me?
5 comments:
So the IMPORTANT ones I completely agree with. Like, those bears in the woods. Are they supposed to be CUTE? Do they know the entire ad campaign is based on a crude punchline? And the Lord of the Rings movies. They made ONE movie, three times. And it kept getting LONGER and LONGER and LONGER. And the little Rollos in it or whatever they're called appeared more and more gay in every scene. I agree...throw me into the fires of Mordor before you make me sit through these again. Sirens in radio ads (or honking in radio ads), waking up before the alarm, and sour things all seriously annoying. Especially sour stuff. If you can't eat it without making a pucker face, don't eat.
Totally off base about the jalapenos, though. God was obviously happy the day he made those.
Jen you're hilarious! I always wondered how those Charmin ads made it to live tv because it's just wrong. And I think it's Luvs brand diapers that have the poop contest, which Chris hates to watch so we change the channel. He doesn't like thinking that's what he's got to look forward to! I, too, don't like it when people use bad or improper grammar. Now I'm definitely not perfect so I try to give people some leeway (so I'll humbly mention that in #19 you probably meant "chance" instead of "change":)) but there are some mistakes that are just unforgiveable! And to add to this very long comment, I am a picky eater. Chris's family hunt deer and I won't eat any of their meals with meat unless I'm sure it's beef. Enough said. Glad to see that your list of "hates" doesn't affect your sense of humor! Love you guys!
Just wondering what snot taste like. I do not recall ever drinking any.
Please add to this list water parks...they gross me out.
All those sweaty, dirty people running around. The west astro-turf they use in some of the parks. the smell of mildew. the bathrooms with the 3 inches of wet on the floor that you have no idea what kind of wet it is (pee? water? toilet water?). the bare feet with fungus and athletes foot. The kids with diapers full of water and pee and poop. the food floating in the pools...I could go on and on...
totally grosses me out!
Also, any kind of bathroom fragrance spray that smells like flowers...(you know, like Glade or any of those). Seriously...people try to use it to cover up bathroom smells...but all it does is give you a nice mixture of poop and flowers...gross!
Please add to this list water parks...they gross me out.
All those sweaty, dirty people running around. The wet astro-turf they use in some of the parks. the smell of mildew. the bathrooms with the 3 inches of wet on the floor that you have no idea what kind of wet it is (pee? water? toilet water?). the bare feet with fungus and athletes foot. The kids with diapers full of water and pee and poop. the food floating in the pools...I could go on and on...
totally grosses me out!
Also, any kind of bathroom fragrance spray that smells like flowers...(you know, like Glade or any of those). Seriously...people try to use it to cover up bathroom smells...but all it does is give you a nice mixture of poop and flowers...gross!
Post a Comment