Hi, my name's Jenalee...

And I play the Candy Crush.

((Hi Jenalee...))

I haven't been playing the Candy Crush for very long.  I noticed when everyone else did and I thought it was a colossal waste of time.  Which is why I'm in this mess.  Judging others is a slippery slide to hell.  One day I was at work, and it was super slow.  Turns out I had time to waste. 

At first I thought, "Oh, I'm not one of those pathetic GAMERS.  I can play just one level and be done.  See what all the hype is about.  It can't be all that bad, I mean there are commercials about it."  And to be honest, at first, I could stop.  I said when enough was enough.  I was in control.  But as the day and levels advanced, I became entwined.  That's how it happens.  And now I find myself playing it at 1 in the morning. 

I know I have a problem because I am at the hiding stage.  I hide when and how much I play from Jesse at work.  I hide it from all my peers on Facebook.  Sometimes I let my kids play and I get scared they will hit "Share" and out me.

I don't even like the Candy Crush anymore.  But I can't stop.

In fact...  I hate it.

When it boots up it says

"Mixing in frosting" or some such thing about frosting.

THERE'S NO FROSTING IN HARD CANDY.

Duh.  It's sugar and water boiled together.

Then it says

"Warming up the oven."

Shut up.  You cook it on a stove.  You don't bake it.  Even the chocolate balls look like something no-bake.  Ridiculous.

Don't get me started on the timed "Panic Rounds."  I have peed my pants.

I also know that there are those of you who don't play a pure game.  Spending real money on tricks and helps.  And to you, I say, "you're-in-deep-sucker."

I almost close it out at this point.  But I don't.  And there are things that keep me coming back.

Like when all kinds of things happen on the screen, and I don't even know what I hit to make the jackpot happen and then BAM I win the level and didn't do a dang thing.

Or that one time when I had TWO chocolate balls right next to each other and made a massive explosion of happiness on my screen.

I also like to beat my friends.  And although I am not usually at all competitive, I like to beat Natalie the most.  But I don't hit share when I do.  Because it would "out me"  and I can't have that.

So at the close of this confessional, I'd like to thank those who enable me with tickets.  And also, I would like to say

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?! 

I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!