a perfect love in an imperfect life

The last time I saw Greg alive was 3 weeks before he passed away.  It was at a wedding. I had brought the guy I am dating so they could meet.  Greg insisted.  I am grateful for that.  We talked, I fixed his hair.  I kissed his cheek.  As I walked away he slapped my butt.  I shook my head and kept walking.  Two months ago I was asked on a date where I would have to wear a swimsuit.  I was nervous and texted Greg about it.  He asked for a pic of me naked so he could see what we were dealing with.  I laughed really hard.  I've always loved his sense of humor that was never quite appropriate. 

We fell in love in his Bronco.  He loved that car.  He always opened my door so he could check out my butt as I climbed in.  The first thing he ever bought me was a chocolate donut.  Then a case of girl scout cookies.  He only let me have one box a month to ensure that I would date him for a year to get all 12 boxes.  He wrote me poems and I saved the internet chats we sent back and forth before we even met.  They are priceless now.  When we got engaged, he gave me new scriptures with my new name of them.  He wrote his testimony in the front.  I've always loved our love story.

The moment I fell for Greg, he was singing to me.  George Strait- Love All Night.  Our music tastes didn't always match...I love Aerosmith and he liked the Bee Gees.  We found mutual ground in Kenny Rogers.  His favorite Kenny song is the one I hated the most.  His favorite hymn was Battle Hymn of the Republic.  His favorite movie was Rudy.  His favorite dinner was beef stroganoff.  His signature dish was bbq chicken on the grill with baked potatoes.  He put Ranch on anything and Ketchup on everything.  His go-to ice cream choice was vanilla and his favorite color was blue.  He had a love and fascination for Big Foot.  He did a SPOT ON big foot impression naked on his way to shower.  I am both relieved and sad that I am the only one who saw it. In turn, Greg knew me better than anyone else.  He had an exceptional memory.  One that both my kids got.  He could remember anything.  Any date, gift, circumstance.  Who am I going to text now when I can't remember if I prefer Tombstone or Wyatt Earp?   I've always loved that we were soul mates.

When I found out I was pregnant with Halle, I sent the positive pregnancy test with a 3 year old Logan to him.  He was quiet and then yelled "Does this say what I think it says?"  We had been married almost 3 years when we had her.  He taught her to raise her hands above her head when he yelled "Touch Down!"  He knew all the kid's favorite tv shows.  He changed diapers.  He loved our kids more than anything in the world.  That never stopped.  I know he had regrets about things turned out and decisions he made, but I never doubted the love he had for our kids.  I've always loved that we were able to be sealed, that our kids are sealed to us, and that our family can be together forever.

I won't sugar coat our marriage and our lives together.  There were very hard years.  Greg's addiction stole him from all of us.  He had to endure so many health issues and the majority of them I had a front row seat for.  I've spent hours in recovery rooms, ICU's, hospital rooms, and doctors offices.  He never complained.  He never said "Why me?"  He spent years on crutches and with picc lines.  He endured it all.  I was often in awe of what his body would take. I honestly am surprised it held out as long as it did.  My initial gut reaction when I heard he had passed away was overwhelming relief for him.  A flood of emotions came later....as I stood in the produce section of Smiths with Jared's arms around me but the first wave was just thankfulness that the pain and anguish of his life was over. I was so happy for him.  I've always loved his quiet strength....his tenacity.

With Greg's support, and lets face it, because of Greg, I've had to do hard things.  Walk long roads.  I grew in ways that would have been impossible with any other trials.  Even though we ended up divorcing, we did those hard things with each other.  We were a good team.  I know that sounds contradictory.  It's hard to explain to anyone else, but our marriage was so good.  We were a perfect match in temperament and personality.  It broke both our hearts to divorce and he never stopped trying to win me back.  He would often say "We still have forever, Sweetpea." I'm counting on it Greg.  I've always loved him, and I always will.  Forever.

Saying goodbye and helping our kids say goodbye was hard.  But it was worth it.  To know and love Greg since I was 20 years old isn't something I would ever take back.  I know that he loved me.   That loves goes on. I can still feel it.  I don't have any regrets about spending the majority of my adult life with him.  I have 17 years of great memories.  Hard memories.  Times I grew into the person I am now.  Two of the greatest kids on Earth.  I wanted to write a blog post about Greg, but in the end it was all about me.  I am who I am because of him.  I'll always be grateful. 

There were so many things to love about him.  The best parts of Greg are eternal.  They are part of him forever.  I am so grateful for a testimony of the plan of salvation.  A knowledge that because of the perfect love of our Savior, there is a plan and a purpose for our lives.  That the mistakes and pain of this world don't follow us forever.  This life is just for a short minute and the love and relationships we build will carry on for eternity.