Plan B

I love my title for this blog. It perfectly sums up my life. What we are living is certainly not "the dream" and could definitely be defined as Plan B. The dream of my future has changed through the years.

I know my life is not the dream I had as a six year old, simply because I'm not married to my dad! I thought he was so wonderful then, he helped me ride a bike and taught me to tie my shoes. He carried me to bed, and took me to kindergarten the first day of school. He was pretty fabulous in my six year old eyes. Now my eyes are nearly 30, and he no longer ties my shoes. I now think he's wonderful for completely different reasons. Not so selfish reasons. He is incredibly giving. He is compassionate. He would give away hearing aids left and right if my mom would go for it. He is brave and strong. The quality I admire most lately is that he always sees the good in a situation. He can see through to the end of a trial, and he gives credit where credit is due. I admire him very much.

I remember the dream of my life as a 16 year old. Oh my. I am not married to a rich man and I don't have a nursing degree. Both would be handy. We were so boy crazy in high school. I had a list of qualities I wanted in my husband that included such things as: playing the guitar, and singing. I wanted to marry someone who was tall and handsome (I never really imagined 6'10'') and who danced in the kitchen. Well, we danced in the kitchen once. In 1999. :) I also remember Hailey wanting to marry a dentist who rode a motorcycle. My dreams seemed to go hand in hand with a Greece movie. It was all about physical aspects, and not what's really important. My husband does not play the guitar, and you need two feet to dance. But he loves me and admires me. He kisses me and tells me that every day. He has never raised his voice to me and has never called me a name in the heat of an argument. He had made mistakes and is not perfect, (He's certainly not John Travolta) but we share the same sense of humor and we share the same goals.

The path of my life is not strewn with rose petals. I don't have a lot of money to work with and I have to work outside my home. We struggle with health and an assortment of other hard issues. We don't own our home, and we can't seem to have another baby. However, I do have enough money to feed my kids and we are able to do fun things. I enjoy my job and am good at it. I help people and that feels good. It's also nice to get away sometimes. Our children are healthy and bring unmeasurable amounts of joy and laughter. There is hope for Greg and his health issues. They are not terminal, and there is treatment. Our home is rented, but it's full of love and we are blessed to be in a neighborhood with friends. And as far as the next baby goes, I have hope for that too. We were born and live in America. My children will not be sold, or go to work as 7 year olds. They will have the opportunity to learn and go to school. We are blessed to live in this nation and I think we often forget that.

My life is not the dream, but it is unfolding according to the plan. This is what we agreed to in a life before this one. I have faith that everything is as it should be. There are trials and hardships, but there is also joy and peace to be had. It's not an easy life, but it's mine. And I am grateful.