Stupid is...

Oh heavens.  I always find a way to humiliate myself.  Today was a doozy.

First thing you should know is that I try very hard to be professional at work.  It was ingrained in me by my mother.  You are polite, smile a lot, don't sit on the counter in front of patients, etc.  I try hard to maintain it, and I do a great job. 

Second thing is that my dad is a wonderful man.  Best ever.  And I love him and want to make him proud of me.  The one thing he hates is stupidity.  I try not to let him find out about any of the stupid things I do because if he does, he gives me the look.  That "how could a child of mine be that stupid?" look.

This morning Jesse was at an appointment so my dad came in to work with me.  You know, so I wouldn't be alone.  I came on time.  I looked nice.  I was chipper and happy.  I was trying to make a good impression on my daddy-o.  And it was going well! Until a customer came in and we needed to do a wax removal.

See, one thing I love to do is pretend I am a surgical nurse.  I present the appropriate tool at the appropriate time, without being asked.  Then I win.  Wordless wax removal....I'm the winner.  And I've gotten good at it. 

1.  Professionally bring the patient to room #3.  Seat them in the appropriate chair.
2.  Find my dad or Jesse.  Tell Jesse (or my Dad) the patients name so they look good, and then follow them into room #3.
3.  Open the lid of the medical wipes and hold it out so they can pull one out.  Replace lid.
4.  Open sterile tool jar and hold it out so they can choose the tool they want.  Replace lid.
5.  Make a joke and hold the patients ear so they have a clear view.
6.  Try not to gag or do the "that's nasty" dance.

So I did steps one and two. 
Then when I held out the wipes, an extra one came out.  So I pushed it back in.

When I pushed the wipe back in (I certainly don't want to be wasteful.) my finger got stuck.  It went in, but when I tried to pull it out, the razor blade edged teeth on the devil contraption caught me.

And it hurt.

I panicked.  I was stuck and I was not 2 feet away from a patient and my DAD.  So I closed my eyes and pulled.

It wouldn't release me.  And it really hurt.

I was sure at this point I was bleeding profusely into the container.  I had tears in my eyes, and there was nowhere to run.  Worse yet, the conversation between my dad and the customer lulled and they were both looking at me expectantly.

I said to myself "OH MY HELL!  I AM SO STUCK!  And it hurts really bad!  What should I do?  Should I run home?  No, my dad would think I was REALLY stupid if I just took off.  Should I walk out?  I CAN'T GET THE LID OFF BY MYSELF!  It hurts really bad!  AHHHHHHHH!  Why isn't Jesse here?  He already knows I'm stupid!  I'm sure this patient isn't blind.  Why couldn't it be one of the blind ones?  CRAP!  I'm sure this is a bloody mangled mess.  If they amputate my finger, I'll be so embarrassed.  DON'T CRY!  Oh, it hurts really bad.  C.R.A.P."

I turned toward my dad, held out my hand with the entire wipe thing hanging off my finger and confessed that I was stuck.

And he gave me the look.

So did the customer.

Then he pried off the lid, found a metal tool to pry the teeth of pain and torment from around my finger, and released me.

I held the ear and tried not to cry.  My finger ached for at least an hour. 

And do you know what?  There wasn't ONE DROP OF BLOOD.  So I looked like a baby, too.

I'm pretty sure that "Employee of the Month" is shot for August. 

And that's awkward.....because I'm the only employee.