Monday Confessional

After my colectomy in February of 2000, I embarked on the sickest year of my life. 

That's the first thing you should know.

The second thing you should know, is that I was 21 and not self confident enough to stand up to a bully.

Thirdly, when cornered in a tight spot, I'll do or say anything to get out.

So, it was early spring of 2000 and I was incredibly ill.  I was under the impression that I was bleeding to death.  One week after this episode, I was hopitalized and given a blood transfusion.  My self diagnosis was right on.  To reiterate, I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG.

I began experiencing heart palpitations when I went up or down stairs.  My shirt would visibly move to the beat of my heart.  Concerned, I called my doctor whom I much admired.

His receptionist informed me that he was out of town, but that the PA was available to see me that afternoon.  I agreed.  At the appointed time, I arrived, and after a delightful time in the waiting room, I was lead back to an exam room to meet with the bully devil herself.

I would like to say that following this experience, I never saw another woman doctor.  Not until I met my new GI here in Ogden who is AMAZING.

She walked into the exam room and it went like this:

"Hello, Jenalee.  I am a bully devil PA."
"Hi, nice to meet you."

"What are you being seen for today?"
"I recently had a major surgery, and while I am still under the care of my GI doctor as well as my surgeon, I was hoping you would be willing to do a fingerstick and check my hematocrit."
"Oh really?  Let me ask you hundreds of questions about your surgery that are none of my business, and then refuse to do the fingerstick."
"Um...okay."

THEN SHE SAID:

"I'm really interested in the digestive system.  I would like you to take off your pants and I'll examine you."
"Uh, no.  That's not necessary.  Those issues are being handled by my GI and my surgeon.  I am just concerned about my hematocrit."
"I will not go forward unless I examine you."

And then she left the room.

I sat there with tears in my eyes and thought.

I'll be damned before I let some bully PA who isn't even a DOCTOR, force me into letting her examine me.  Take off my pants.  Who does she think she is?  I am the PATIENT.  She works FOR ME.  SHE NEVER EVEN WENT TO MEDICAL SCHOOL.  She's just indulging her interests and I am her guinea pig?  I don't know who the hell she thinks she is.  (Apparently I swear a lot when I am bleeding to death.)

I gathered up my things and walked out. 

It was empowering. 

It was awesome.

I almost got out the door.

The nurse, yelling my name, caught me at the door.

"Where are you going?" she asked

And then I panicked. 

"I...uh....well....my beeper went off and I need to go."

Beeper?  I've never owned a beeper.

"Can it wait?  Surely they'll understand you are at an appointment?"

And then I said much to my own horror and lets face it, a little awe:

"Well, no.  I am a volunteer fighterfighter and when I get beeped, I must go."

And out the door I went.

A volunteer firefighter.

It's a classic.