A reevaluation

Recently, several things have happened in my life that have made me reevaluate the person I want to be.

The first- Grateful 
It can be so hard to find gratitude in our trials.  It can be almost impossible.  Seeing others have what you had, or feeling like you have failed at making something work despite giving it everything you have, hurts and brings us dangerously close to bitterness.  And I don't know how to combat bitterness.  I do know how to fight the hurt, and it's with gratitude.  One day a week or so ago, I was talking on the phone.  I was asked how it was going, being a single mom.  Honestly, it's not as hard as you might think, although it has it's moments.  While I was answering I said something that surprised even myself.  I said "Well, the one true thing I wanted out of my life was to be a mother, and I have that, so I can't really be resentful that I don't get EVERYTHING, when I was given the best thing."  I have needed to be reminded of this many times since.  I am far from perfect in my gratitude.

The second- Kind
I am very good at being kind.  If I like you.  And that's the kicker.  The Primary song says "Jesus said love EVERYONE, treat them kindly too."  I help patients everyday and they are mostly older.  Some are sweet and kind and I love them.  Some are grouchy and mean and I dread seeing them.  How I see and treat others now, in my 30's, will determine who I'll be as an older person.  It'll determine who I'll be for eternity.  My children will learn this from me.  Good or bad.

The third-  Slow to anger
Whenever I attend something, there are do-ers and watchers.  People who do everything and those that watch them do everything.  I get so worked up over the watchers, that I lose all the blessings from being a do-er.  In the end, I am no better than a watcher. 

The last- Brave
I had an experience that shook me.  I was talking to my bestie Eric and I said "I have a hard time sleeping, which is so weird.  I also feel nervous all the time, like I am going to speak in public or something."  To which he responded "Wow, you are such a princess.  How have you made it to 36 without knowing what anxiety feels like?"  I'll tell you how.  I don't do anything that requires me to be too brave.  The problem with avoiding it, is that Heavenly Father sends you circumstances that are beyond your control.

In short, I found this poem, which I love.


Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.”
― Margaret D. Nadauld