I've been single mom-ing it for awhile now. Almost 3 years, I guess. It's gone by really quickly. The bottom line is probably this: It's not so bad. Really.
It has it's not so great parts, but honestly, it's so much better than living with an addict. I often miss Greg and I miss all the good things about being married to him before it all went down the toilet of addiction. There were lots of wonderful things. Our marriage was a good one. I sometimes find myself thinking of what should have been and feeling bad. Not usually though.
There are great things about being single. I do whatever I want when I want to. I don't have to call anyone and ask anything. If I want to go on vacation, we go. If I want to buy something, I buy it. If I want to eat ice cream for dinner, I eat it. There is freedom in my queendom and I am the queen. I also feel really capable, strong, and able. I can seriously do anything I need to do. Did you know that you can learn anything off of You tube? You can snake your own drain, or take your garbage disposal apart or change a bulb in your headlight, just by watch a video or two! I make all kinds of things happen- I can do hard things, scary things. annoying things, gross things....I do them all. And I love that I never feel like I can't do something because I need a man to do it for me. A dear friend of mine said the other day "I have never been camping without my husband. That makes me nervous." Oh man, I love her, but I don't ever feel that way. There is a strength and sense of peace that comes with being able to depend on yourself. My friends are nice to have, and my family helps me so much, but if I didn't have any of them? I could still do it. I'm never really alone in it. I have hefty heavenly back up. And maybe that assurance is the greatest gift I've received from this.
On the other hand...there are times I feel extremely single. There are things that can be hard for me. Here's a list of the top of my head:
1. My son needs to be ordained a Teacher. None of his Uncle have any real contact with him anymore. (What I did: I told him to pick his fav YM leader. It was great!)
2. Sitting alone on the bleachers watching Halle play basketball. (What I do: I do it! I yell and cheer and don't look around too much at all the dads. That's a great lesson. If seeing what everyone around you has makes you feel bad, don't look around too much. It's not very hard.)
3. Getting an oil change. Would I love to have a husband who did that? Yes! Greg never knew how to change the oil anyway. Would I love to have a husband to send down to Jiffy Lube? Yes! (What I do: I go myself. I use my coupon. I make friends with people in the waiting room and text them all the coupon.)
4. My lawn needs to be mowed. ( What I do: I tell my kid to get off his butt and mow the lawn! Although, come on...we have a riding mower. I can run a mower!)
5. Sitting in a movie on Saturday night. (What I do: I call Eric and make him go with me. Sometimes I make him hold my hand. Come on...a gay BF? There're some perks there.)
6. Holidays can be tricky. It's just the three of us. (What I do: I put on the biggest happiest face and DO IT. All of it. We read the Christmas story. We make the cookies. We do the secret santa.)
7. The toilet needs to be plunged. Holy crap I hate that. ;) (What I do: I did one lesson on plunging. Everyone who lives in my house was in attendance. Now, if you are responsible for the clogged toilet, you get to fix it.)
8. This may be the trickiest of all....Hanging out with your married friends. You know, the couple friends? Yeah. I'm still figuring it out.
Single isn't bad at all. I'm doing great. Truly. I'm a great mom, and I can successfully juggle my kids, my job, basketball, my calling, etc. Do I drop a ball sometimes? Heck yeah. Does it all go off perfectly all the time? No! But then again, it's not supposed to. Are there hard things, and trials? Yep. We can do it though. There isn't anything we can't do. I am beyond blessed in my life and the greatest of those is a loving Father in Heaven; and with Him, I am never single. I truly have a life full of wonder. I choose not to spend my time dwelling on any missing pieces, or letting it rob us of experiences, happiness, or peace. I guess this is my message: Gird up your loins, and get on with it! You don't have to have everything to be happy and there are WAY worse things in life than not being married. Oh....and stop complaining about your husbands to your single friends.
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