Who I am

I'm pet sitting.  I've been doing it for nearly 12 hours now.  Under my watchful eye reside Slithers and Steve.  Slithers is a snake and Steve is his lizard bestie.  When my friend first asked me to take care of their critters, I didn't think I could do it.  A snake?  No thank you.  Lizards?  Ummm..not my thing.  However, she's been a good friend to me and I couldn't say no.  So I said yes. 

Guess what?  I am quite fond of both Steve and Slithers.  They are really cute.  And although I normally would have nothing to do with either snakes or lizards, my mind was changed by one realization.

They were cold. 

Now, I know what you're thinking, "Jenalee, snakes and lizards are cold blooded.  They are supposed to be cold."

Yes I know.  But they need some heat.  Steve stood in his water dish for a long time not moving.  I grew concerned.  I texted my friend who said he was probably too cold.  And something clicked inside of me.  I filled our spray bottle with warm water, and misted their tank.  I squirted Steve who opened his eyes.  I wrapped their tank with towels and moved their cage closer to the vent.

It made me think about my new calling.  I teach the 5 year olds.  And do you know what makes it a great calling?  Every week during Sharing Time one of my kids will get called to the front to do something.  Often times they are unsure of an answer or simply feel awkward standing up there.  Do you know what they do when that happens?  They look at me.  It's their first instinct.  They find me and look at me.  And I smile a huge smile and give them a big thumbs up.  And that's the best part.

I've discovered that who I am, who I REALLY am, the part of me that over rides every other part of is me is the mother inside of me.  It was my purpose in this life.  It is the very best part of me.

I will nurture anything.  Even a snake.

Before I had my own children I had my nieces and nephews.  I delighted in them.  When I married Greg, many of his nieces and nephews were older.  Not much younger than me.  I didn't really feel the connection with them that I had with those that I had held and kissed since birth.  I feel more at ease with my nieces now that they have become mothers.  I delight in the joy they find in it.  As I watch their birth videos with tears streaming down my face and hold their tiny babies, I am so grateful for the experiences they are having and the changes that result.

Mostly, I am filled with gratitude that I have my own children.  I've said it before, I truly feel like my life began when Halle was placed in my arms.  She changed me.  And I will be forever better for having the opportunity to love, admire, and encourage my children as they grow.

I screamed my heart out at Jack's championship basketball game today.  I uttered one of my most fervent prayers in the time it took the basketball to leave his fingertips and go through the net.  When it went in, and the first thing he did was find my eyes in the crowd, I was overcome with joy.

As we took out the trash tonight, Halle said with both hands full, "My pants are falling down!"  So I reached down and pulled them up.  All of the millions of times I have pulled her pants up in her life flashed through my mind and I was so grateful that I have been there to do that.  Her entire life has been full of me, and I am overcome with joy.

Life hasn't been a picnic.  Greg and I have had more than our fair share of trials.  More continuously come.  I have been fearful the last few weeks about what will eventually come in my life as my liver disease progresses, and I have felt bitter at the thought of having MORE trials heaped upon me when others seem to have none.

But tonight.  Tonight it is all worth it.  My life is forever worth anything I have to do.  And it's because my heart is a mother's heart, and it has been put to good use.  From the beautiful children that grew inside of me to the tiniest lizard who sleeps in an aquarium on my desk.

I am overcome with joy.